Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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