Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
