the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
