I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
