Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
