it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
