Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My liver just broke up with me...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
