reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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