i permit you to call me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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