Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
