I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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