I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
