I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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