She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pants are for mortals
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
