3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
