well I can't set my house on fire every night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
