Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
