I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
