I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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