You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
