from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
