also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
