What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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