wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
