dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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