he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would fuck him just for his dog
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
