well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
