David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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