hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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