God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
