Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
