He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
