The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
