FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
