Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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