nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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