You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
