If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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