Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ugly people sure do ruin things
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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