Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
