if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
