it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
