It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
