All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
