i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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