I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
