The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
