So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
