i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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