OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
