I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She bit a glass in half.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Couch. On fire.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
