Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
