Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
