Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
